Today I am diving into a topic near and dear to me. Mommy self esteem. I myself have had issues with this and I feel it is a topic often under looked by many. Sure the news media has in the past few years made some great stride in showing our Mommy worth but we as moms seem to have a hard time believing this. How many of you like me were once independent working women? How many of you once had dreams bigger than your mind could fathom. Wanting to be a doctor or a lawyer or a congresswoman or a movie star? I was once a girl with a dream to ride horses in the Olympics, big huh? Then through life's ever present twists and turns I find myself the queen of my home, the master of my vacuum and the chief of juice bottles and diaper changes. Although being a stay at home mom is a great thing it also leaves me with a longing.
Knowing that when I was younger I had feeling of power and potential leaves me often feeling let down by what life has given me. This is not to discount my kids or my role in raising them. But the truth of the matter is that I like many out there do not know where it is in my life that things went awry.
In this day of empowerment for women, with endless opportunities we who chose to be moms are often overlooked and under appreciated. I have had people in the past ask me "what do you do all day?" and "aren't you bored?" Well answers to that are ALOT! and NO....well kinda. Changing diapers and watching the same cartoons day in and day out has left me worn out. The adventure side of my life is less than desirable and my biggest fear is wake up one day and wonder where it is my life has gone.
I am not going to start spouting some magical advice for you nor do I have the answers to this other than we as SAHMs need to remember the little dreaming girls inside of us. I know this for sure, if you do not take care of yourself you cant take care of your babies. In the last year my life has become much happier. About a year and a half ago I was depressed, faced with the birth of our second child and the stark realization that I would be stuck doing this for a long time. I was angry and resentful. My life seemed like a never ending replaying reel of the same boring movie.
get dinner ready
clean up after dinner
bath and bed
the same movie over and over, toss in sex and wine once a week or so and it was complete! Now today I am still doing this routine but I am also going to school (online) and taking photos whenever I can, riding my Harley, and also I show my dog whenever I can, by myself...for two or three days at a time. Kind of a recharge for my batteries. Being here at home and charged with possibly the most important job I could ever have and loving myself a lot more has helped me more than I can say. Also developing a personal relationship with God has helped immensely. We as mommies of this new era need to take back some respect, weather you work or you dont it does not matter. You are a woman first and a mommy second. You are strong and powerful. You have a great impact on the future of this planet (your children!) if one of them grows up to be a doctor or a criminal you have an impact. So even though society looks down on us "poor" moms who are saddled with kids. We should be standing strong and letting everyone who is ignorant to our daily plight know that we are important, we are worthy, and most of all we are complete! We do not need parties and wild nights, hook ups and awards to make us feel accomplished and fulfilled. Rather we should rest in the fact that we are our nations greatest workforce making the next generation into competent and intelligent people full of compassion and dreams hopefully bigger than our own.
An whether you tell your little girl to do the opposite of what you did or whether you encourage her to strive for mommy hood too, know that you are not alone and your life is still your own. Someday your kids will grow up they will leave. And then who will you be? If you do your job right they will be on their own, living out their own amazing dreams. So in the mean time I ask you to really evaluate who you really are inside. What matters to you, and even to go and find a new dream. Maybe your dreams need to be altered a bit (due to finding a babysitter lol) but dont let your amazing talents fall to the wayside or one day you will wake up and realize you have no idea who you really are......
XOXOXOXO <3 I love you all! You are not alone! We are a sisterhood of mothers that has spanned through the beginning of time. <3